Manuscripts Burn


MANUSCRIPTS BURN

"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Terrifying Revenge of the B-Movie!!!: Scene 35

INT – BLACKSMITH SHOP
(BLACKSMITH, ZORBON, ZANDAR)

THE BLACKSMITH HAS HIS BACK TO THE WHOLE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO AND HIS STOREFRONT. HE IS COUNTING HIS HAMMERS. SINCE HE HAS GIVEN ONE TO JIMMY HE NOW ONLY HAS TWO.

BLACKSMITH

One. Two. Two hammers. Ah ah ah.

ZORBON AND ZANDAR, DAZED AND BLEEDING SLIGHTLY, EMERGE FROM THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO.

ZORBON
(to Zandar, whispering through his teeth)

Play it cool.

(to Blacksmith)

I say there, local proprietor and fellow human, could we have your assistance?

BLACKSMITH

With what?

ZORBON

We need to get our, um…boat…repaired. Are you familiar with quantum mechanics?

BLACKSMITH

No.

ZANDAR

What about temporal hyperspace relay theory?

BLACKSMITH

Well, I can fix a boat.

ZORBON

Good enough. And for your wages we offer 8 million quatloos.

BLACKSMITH

What?

ZORBON

I mean…dollars. 8 million dollars.

BLACKSMITH

For your boat?

ZANDAR

Too little? Triple it.

BLACKSMITH

24 million dollars. Okay.

ZORBON

It seems we have a concordance! Simply hold out your digital currency imprint and we shall transfer the funds to your galacto-account. Sorry, of course I mean, your Earth account.

BLACKSMITH

Uh, look, guys, cash only.

ZANDAR

Oh, well, uh…we’re good for it.

BLACKSMITH

Fair enough. I’ll get to work.

THE BLACKSMITH WALKS INTO THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO AND STARTS TO FIX IT. ZORBON TURNS TO ZANDAR.

ZORBON

Now to deal with that spider monster. You know what we have to do.

ZANDAR

Yes!

ZORBON

Release…Gavordt!

ZANDAR

Yes! Wait…what?

ZORBON

Release…Gavordt!

ZANDAR

That’s that monster thing we found.

ZORBON

Yes, I know.

ZANDAR

Don’t you know what would happen if we released that?

ZORBON

Yes, it would kill things. Including the giant tarantula.

ZANDAR

Yes. And then we’d have to answer to the ACLU. And I don’t think anyone wants the ACLU getting any stronger in this country.

ZORBON

That’s true. Very well then. Release Gavordt…on the ACLU!

BLACKSMITH

Isn’t this supposed to be set in Germany?

ZORBON

Get back to work, you.

BLACKSMITH

Yes, sir.

ZANDAR TAKES A SMALL METAL TRASMITTER WITH A SINGLE RED BUTTON OUT OF HIS POCKET. HE PRESSES THE BUTTON.

EXT – BLACKSMITH SHOP AND UFO WRECKAGE – CONTINUOUS
(GAVORDT)

A MASSIVE TRAPDOOR ON THE SIDE OF THE UFO OPENS. GAVORDT, A BIZARRE MASSIVE PURPLE ALIEN EMERGES FROM THE WRECKAGE AND ROARS. IT STEPS OUT. ALVIS AND FRANCOPHILE, MUCH SMALLER, EMERGE FROM THE SAME TRAPDOOR.

FRANCOPHILE

What is that?

ALVIS

Jailhouse rock, baby. Jailhouse rock.

FRANCOPHILE

That’s not even an answer. That doesn’t even make sense!

ALVIS

Thank you. Thank you very much.

FRANCOPHILE

Only you could ruin this for me, Algore. Only you.

ALVIS

Only you…

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